IN WHICH I RUMINATE ABOUT THOSE LAZY, HAZY DAYS OF SUMMER OR WARM BUT NOT SO FUZZY

Have I mellowed out? 

I’ve been told my tone is not so biting and acerbic.  Evidently this was what people liked about my blog.  Well, I’m not going to take this accusation lying down, I will be tougher, meaner, bitchier!! 

I will…

The summer has been fun; I’ve gotten back on some of my old standby sites.  Will not bore you with the details, however, the big FLASH here is that I’ve gotten new photos taken and put on my various different profiles.

Serial Monogamist, my buddy, is an excellent photographer and made me look good, folks.  I mean, I would even date me.

So I posted and on the various (un-enumerated) sites and waited for the masses.  Actually, I did get a lot of attention, just not exciting attention.  I think I’ve mentioned that I see the same old faces on these sites.  They say they have millions, and some even zillions, but where are they?  I don’t know.

So why the hell do I see the same faces, the same irradiated faces, the same desperado faces (NOT ME OF COURSE), the same pleading faces … pick me, pick me, etc., etc.  Why?  Because WE LIKE YOU… no wrong show, wrong medium. 

Simple, really, DUH, the reason is that they are also playing the numbers game like I am… can’t blame, them, don’t even want to, but I still want to know where the trillions (at least as many as our national debt) are, according to these sites.

I do have a story, however, that must be told.  As you all know, by now, I am the profile detective!!!  I am practically the Profile Whisperer…  I can spot a phony at forty paces, or something totally brill like that.  Well, I was going though suggested matches on one of my free sites and lo and behold, a man in uniform.  Those of you who know me, know that I am an awful sucker for such a gentleman, so of course I looked further.  The profile photo showed a man in camouflage with his name clearly visible on the pocket where these things generally are.

I thought this slightly suspicious for several reasons: 

1) A soldier that far up in the chain (I believe he listed himself as some sort of General) would never picture himself on a public site in uniform. 

2) … and I know there is probably some deep seeded reason for this, profile phonies seem to impersonate military for some reason.  Possibly because they think they are catnip to women – and they are for some women.

Me, for instance. – er…. I???

At any rate, I cleverly googled the photo and found that it was indeed a military man and that the photo had been taken from Wikipedia!  To put the cherry on top, whoever did this was enough of a dumb ass to make another profile using the same picture with a different location and a different age!

Gone and NEXT!!

I’ve learned something of value in the last month or two and naturally must share.  There have been several dates with the same guy.  I’ll call him Cinemaboy…   Anyhow, we had a great first date at a boutique hotel in Beverly Hills.  Lovely place, dark, looked my best and had a delicious drink.  We chatted for several hours and had fun.  He was cute, I wasn’t feeling a great stir of URGE, but thought to myself, you can’t hurry these things.

When it was over, I said, hey this was fun and he agreed.  Didn’t say anything about another rendezvous, but I wasn’t downcast either way.  Later that evening there was an email, wanted to know if I was “up for a movie”.  I’m usually up for a movie unless they are so arty there is no discernible plot, too scary, or just too plain esoteric.

We met again had some nice hors d’oeuvre, and drinks again.  I thought to myself, of course, hmmm, there seems to be more imbibing that I would have liked.  Then we went into the film. 

Here’s what I learned about this.  It wasn’t the imbibing, if you thought that was foreshadowing or something, it wasn’t.  It’s that when you barely know a guy sitting for two hours in the dark, even if your enjoying the movie is an awkward experience!

Best to have several more dates under your belt before trying this.  You sort of sit there stiffly wondering if you can put your elbow on the armrest.  Better to wait, take it from me.

If this all sounds silly and elementary (of course it does) remember that online dating is different than regular dating, the dating of my youth, where people at least had some head start in knowing each other before going out.  The more I do this, the more the medium is beginning to feel overly artificial and forced. 

I currently have a very handsome guy on the Fitness Site who keeps asking me if he’s on my mind, and continually tells me that I’m on his.  As flattering as that all is, it’s harder to believe than when guys used to say that in order to coax you into doing something that you were for various reasons (which I can no longer remember) reluctant to do.

Need I elaborate?