IN WHICH I TELL A CAUTIONARY TALE or REALLY YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP

I suppose it was inevitable.

I’ve been doing this over a year now and most of my experiences have been fun, hilarious, disappointing, hurtful, but in no way horrible – except perhaps for the guy who looked like he rolled out of bed and had a weird skin disease.

Had recently gone back on the free site that I had thought really atrocious for reasons I can’t explain.  What can I say?  I thought I’d just give it one more try.  I uploaded the new photos, wrote a little more in my profile.  Yes, I still have a car, but I was able to put in more, say more (again, not that I in any way shape or form think that anyone really reads profiles).  Anyhow, there is a feature on this site that shows you a series of photos of bachelors also on the site and asks you if you want to meet them.

I was bored one day, and was rifling through the pictures and just idly yes, this guy is cute, I’d meet him, and no this guy is not for me, I wouldn’t meet him if the world was coming to an end.  It was virtually a slide show and I was doing mostly “no’s” and a couple of “yes’s”.

Lo and behold, the ones I said “yes” to all wrote to me.  It was nice in a way, so automatic, and easy.

I thought, maybe this is the way.  No reading just looking, just the response to the physical.

Two of the gentlemen I really wasn’t interested in after a cursory glance at their profiles, but one looked rather nice.  He was tall enough, attractive enough and quite literate in his profile.  I actually enjoyed reading it; there was an intelligence and sense of humor present that is somewhat rare for these things.  So, as the pickle man said in Crossing Delancy, this one I’ll meet.

I’ll call him Janus for reasons that will soon become obvious.

We emailed back and forth, just a few times.  He was the usual, complimentary, yadda, yadda, yadda, and was swift to say, let’s meet.  I said fine as endless emailing was starting to get on my nerves.  We made a date for a place very near to me, which was good.  Minimum of effort, I felt and possibly maximum results.

Traffic was bad that evening that we met.  However, Janus did show.  He was polite, a little too gushing in his compliments (I eventually told him he was a little over the top), and self-deprecating and smiling when I told him he was OTT. He was only a few years younger than me, but made a point of telling me I didn’t look my age.

We sat together chatting for about two hours.  He was eager, energetic and did most of the talking.  In fact, I really didn’t get a word in, to be honest.  I thought he might be a little nervous, which is fine, after all, who of us doesn’t approach this with some nervous trepidation?  As the date wore on, I knew he was into me, however, there was something nagging at me about him.  I knew he seemed nice and I should see him again, but something was preventing me from entering in the idea wholeheartedly.  He was saying things like we’d go on multiple dates, and that was bothering me for some reason as well.  It seemed a little presumptuous.  Anyhow, as we were waiting for my car, he asked me if I wanted to see him again.

My mother seemed to be standing there telling me that I ought to give him a second chance.  See him one more time and then make up your mind.  I prevaricated a bit, trying to think of when I could see him.  He suggested a day, I wasn’t sure, and then I said to him, let’s communicate over the weekend (no, he didn’t suggest a weekend date).

Several days later, it was a Saturday morning, he texted me and asked how my weekend was going so far, and how nice it was to meet me.  I was still hesitant and trying to think of response that evening when I went out to dinner with friends.

One of the diners snatched my phone and texted him back: “Great.  Having dinner with friends.  It was nice meeting you too.” 

Harmless so far, right?

He promptly texted back saying “Lucky you”, which I wasn’t reading as snarky, but just brief, and then a second text asking me if I wanted to meet him again.  Once again, I hesitated.  I didn’t answer again.  In fact I didn’t answer for two days.

That Monday evening I thought, this isn’t nice, I really have to answer him and have to say something that will not hurt his feelings but convey the fact that I don’t want to see him.  So, nicey nice me says: “I’m sorry I haven’t answered, I didn’t mean to be rude.  I’ve decided to re-think computer dating and take myself off the site (editor’s note: I did.)  I just want to take a breather and wish you the best of luck.”

I went to take a shower and when I returned there was already a message.  It was the most vile, obscene, nasty, misogynistic  message I’ve ever received in my life.  I was shocked, shaky and not just a little alarmed.  I had never been talked to in this way and felt extremely violated

I called a friend and talked with her about it, she tried to calm me down and told me not to be upset as worse had been said to her.  This is meant to make you feel better, but it rarely does.

I started searching my mind wondering if there was any way he could identify me further or find me.  It was really that upsetting to me.  Luckily, no more messages were received and I didn’t hear from him again.

It was such a turnabout.  So much the opposite of how he had behaved when he saw me.  Perhaps I saw the desperation and hysteria behind all the compliments and perhaps that was what repelled me.  Another friend said I had dodged a bullet and frankly, I am proud that for once, my instincts were correct and I actually followed them.

Oh, and I forgot the corker… he had the nerve to say in the message I was too old for him anyway!!

You’ll all be relieved to know I wasn’t discouraged, and got together with a much nicer, normal guy.  I told him what happened and he said he had my back.  It was kind of him, however, he elaborated saying that he was worried about me doing the online dating thing and for all I know I could be meeting the next Ted Bundy.

I honestly don’t think that’s going to be the case, and I am pressing on.  I know the rules of internet dating safety – very well, so please, one and all, don’t worry.

Just to lighten up this entry and give you all a bit of a laugh, I have included a self-description that I read from username: Mikiehotass:

I am ATTRACITIV, HONEST, and PASSOINAT.CARING.I am a one woman man that would never cheat on my woman i am not that type.I like the out doors camping,pic-nics mountains go for romantic walks on the beach.Like to explor new places going on week end road trips.I a hard worker i own a small l;andscape business.Have good values and morals.A good family man like to have a family. I am very will mannered. I PEREER THAT YOU LIVE IN SAN DIEGO

I am looking for a long trem relationship that lead to marrrriage.
looking for attracttiv female long hair and must be hot looking
with similar interest Iand goals
THAT YOU ARE VERY ATTRACTIVE AND AFFECTIONATE

This is lifted directly from his profile.  This is not a joke, and I looked, English IS his first language.

I despair, truly!