IN WHICH I LEARN MANY THINGS ABOUT ONLINE ETIQUETTE or SOME PLAYDATES

Scoreboard: Got off POF… for all it’s a rather a cute name for a dating site, it just doesn’t appeal to me –I can't put my finger on it, but there’s just something faintly unsavory about it. Also, hid my profile on eVow. Less unsavory than its sister site, but nevertheless, I’m just not convinced the clientele on those sites are as serious about this as I am.

So those of you keeping up here, I’m down to 4 sites, and have decided to give up the Fitness one as well when my subscription runs out next month.  It’s an odd thing about the Fitness site, though you would think physical activity is so immediate, I’m getting messages from guys all over the world.  Don’t really know how we could be running partners.  Not bearing fruit, so we don’t waste time we move on.

January has been somewhat productive.  Possible meet up with another man of the Emerald Isle in February, actually quite cute, so keep fingers crossed.  However, lest we forget our lessons about follow up, deciding to meet up next month is like 10 years in online dating years.  However, we are friends on Facebook so I may be able to guilt him into follow through – if, by then, I have any inclination to do so.

Have had some dates to discuss. 

The first one was several weeks ago, and sadly a little fraught.  Met a producer/ lawyer at my favorite spot, I’ll call him Fish Lips for reasons that will soon become obvious.  Got there on time and bought my own libation as usual, sigh, almost forgetting what it’s like to be chivalrously served.  Didn’t look like the guy was there and then I saw him sitting outside, looking like he was half asleep and waiting for the bus. He certainly wasn’t anxiously looking for his date.

Thought at least the conversation would be interesting and to be fair it was, but ugh, the odious habits some people have! I was being bright, breezy, entertaining, practicing all my charm skills, basically because I didn’t give a rat’s butt and he was just sitting there, as though in a light coma, saying “riiiiight”, drawing out the word in an almost demented fashion.  And when he wasn’t talking, he was breathing in the exact manner of a goldfish, it was nearly disconcerting, and I had to concentrate very hard not to giggle while watching his lips sucking up oxygen, and blowing out invisible bubbles.

That was over again, not quite as quickly as Fire Boy since, as I said, we did have an interesting conversation.  He told me some of the movies he’d been involved in, and I did check him out on IMDb.  As well, have to say that he posted loads of photographs with himself and political luminaries on his profile -- probably off-putting if you’re in the opposite party or not interested in such things.  It also struck me as being nearly as lame as Fire Boy telling me about his party with that 60’s celebrity that I didn’t mention or even remotely care about; but again, to be fair, only nearly.

There is no help for people who can’t stand on their own merits.

Hazarding a guess that you won’t be surprised that since my journey started in June, which is now about 6 months old, I was stood up a second time last weekend.  Guy very nice on the phone, seemed eager, called a bunch of times and have to say I didn’t have phone on, but I did return all phone calls.  However, he didn’t show up to meet where we had planned.  I wasn’t upset, as I said before, how could I be, it’s hardly personal when they’ve never met you.

As Queen Victoria said during the Boer War, (to paraphrase) there is no one depressed here.

The last week has been pleasant.  I met a lovely young guy, early 40’s, for a coffee/green tea date in an extremely agreeable locale.  Not my usual Coffee Bean but a charming café.  I’ll call him John Boy, though luckily he didn’t have the distracting mole on his face (a Walton’s reference for any of you puzzled).  Sadly, he was boyish, and I am questing currently for mannish, so it was just a pleasant interlude.  However, we got together again for a nice afternoon jaunt in a bookstore and a little window-shopping so not all is horror.  And, the youthful injection continues to be a boost to my ego.  That, however, may not last long.

Had a great conversation with another of the younger set last night and learned many things that I hadn’t considered.  I had made it a rule to answer all queries and emails.  Evidently I am completely wrong in this.  According to this fellow, whom I’ll call AK41, it’s actually ruder to answer if you’re not interested.  My friend, Serial Monogamist, had told this to me initially, but I wasn’t taking his word for it.  According to AK41, it’s more hurtful to reply and time wasting as well.  So, there blows my theory that people should be as polite online as they are in real life.

He also instructed me that not only are men out to bag babes (his words, about which I found out to my sadness with One Syllable), but evidently, women in their 20’s and 30’s are behaving just as women in my generation did in my 20’s and 30’s – without, I should caution the assurance that no deadly STD’s will be passed about.  As someone who worked for an AIDs charity for over thirteen years, I really don’t get this at all.  AK41 told me that one woman who had shown interest in him was dating five other fellows, sleeping with two of them and deciding which one had the most money for possible marriage.  I am sad to hear about such post-feminist venality.

One last story that doesn’t have anything to do with me is one told by Serial Monogamist.  He’s had great success on the dating sites as he’s an attractive man of a certain age.  He’s as picky as I am, but doing quite well.  Well, a few weeks ago he began dating a tall, blonde lawyer who, after seeing him twice, took herself off of Match.  When he told me this, I did think it slightly precipitous, but I thought, whatever – as one does.  At any rate, she was supposed to come to his place for dinner, said she had to be in court for several days, didn’t respond to emails, phone calls, then said she’d call and hasn’t done so.  Oddly, this sounds like typically male behavior to me.  Baffling, bewildering, inconceivable, only begin to describe it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that not only women suffer this but perhaps it’s a weird product of this unbelievably wacky way of trying to connect with others.

No worries, I press on.